Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
