ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
