He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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