just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize