i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
