thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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