I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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