When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
