see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are two peas in an std pod
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
