oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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