They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
