Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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