I wanna passion pit in your ass
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
