I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
