So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
