if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
