my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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