I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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