i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
