first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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