Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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