why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
