Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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