idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
