in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
