Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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