Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize