Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
