It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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