omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
