I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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