Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
