her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
