he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
