hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
