Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
whose parrot is this?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
