i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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