i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
