Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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