If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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