So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
