someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
