I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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