I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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