Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
