when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So squirting runs in the family.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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