Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
