I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
