Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
