Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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