When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
