Umm I'm too high to move.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
