I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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