I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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