Apparently you make a good broom.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
