wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
