I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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