you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
