The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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