did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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