Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
