I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
