Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
