Sry I called you an 8
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
