the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
