with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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