Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
