Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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