are you so shy because you have an std?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
