fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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