I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
