She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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