Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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