You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
