and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
