What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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