i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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