Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
