i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
