just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
