My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Watching her eat just hurts me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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