Duck Duck Cougar?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
