Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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