I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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