Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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